New Orleans , LA- Matt Tromyth is considered a radical among urban legends researchers. While many urban researchers focus on cliché legends and internet lore, Tromyth goes in search of legends that many people don’t even recognize.
“I was in a bar one night listening to these guys telling stories about a man a friend of a friend met in Nantucket while on vacation or something. This guy had a genetic disorder that gave him a very long penis, so long he was reported to be able to perform fellatio on himself. This sounded like a story I had heard before in elementary school. That’s when I decided to explore these legends and document them.” Tromyth said in interview.
Tromyth has taken all his investigations and made a book called The Man From Nantucket, and other Urban Legends, which offers historical documentation to explore the legends and their accuracy.
Tromyth said he first got interested in urban legends while a history major in college. He had grown weary of his focus on 19th century French politics and was considering a change in major when a friend introduced him to snopes.com, a major internet urban legends site. Tromyth said from then on his whole career has focused on urban legends.
Tromyth’s agent have released portions of his book for media.
There once was a man from Nantucket
With a dick so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear were a cunt then I’d fuck it.
“…after long study of this legend I found that it was not entirely true. No such man lived in Nantucket, but there was a similar case in Fantucket, Rhode Island. Newspaper clippings from 1897 tell of a medical oddity in which a man called Ronald Jer-Ammy had a sixteen inch penis. There is no indication that he actually sucked it, though there some evidence that he was popular with the ladies about town…
A horny young lady named Lil
fucked a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina
in North Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil.
“Physics ha shown us that one stick of would not blow tits all the way to Brazil . There is no record of any event of such nature in either North Carolina or Brazil. In exploring other versions with different locations there has been no solid evidence this event occurred. It is believed to be a story meant to scare girls from masturbation…”
There once was a man from Havana
Who thought he could play the piana
His finger did slip
And undid his zip
And out popped a hairy banana
“Research on this legend led me to Miami where Rudolph Martinez, a Cuban exile living in the United States. Upon talking with him he related the story of the incident to me.
“As a teenager I fancied myself a good musician. I could play the guitar and trombone like nothing else. I was in a bar in downtown Havana and this senorita asked me if I could play her a song on the piano. She was so beautiful that I didn’t tell her I didn’t know how to play and went up there. My finger did slip on the key and my zipper opened and little Rudolph popped out to say hola. I ran out of there in embarrassment.” Rudolph said with a laugh.”
There once was a lady from NIzes
Who had breast of two different sizes
One was small
And round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes
“Upon consulting Ripley’s believe it or not I found there was a similar cases of this happening. A woman named Teetsa Round from a town called Mizes in California had two different size breasts. The left one was a 32B, while the right was a 30D. She is not known to have won prizes for the right one, but she was a spokesperson for a bra company in the early 20th century.”
There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay to brick
And tore all his foreskin away”
“Consultation with a pottery expert shows that the heat generated during sex could not turn clay into brick. Further lack of evidence on this matter has convinced me of it’s inauthenticity…”
There Once was a man named Sinclair
Who was fucking his girl on the stair
The banister it broke
So he quickened his stroke
And finished her off in midair
“This is a popular story on college campuses with many universities claiming to be the sight of such an affair. This legend does can be physically possible, and a check of police records at the University of Washington came up with police record of an incident. Police say in 1964 two students were having sex in a back staircase of Screwer Hall when the banister broke. A janitor found them a few hours later and phone police. Both were found dead and semen was discovered in the woman. Police couldn’t confirm whether the student, Rodney Sinclair, had actually finished her midair…”
WRITTEN BY JORGE WASHINGTINO FOR THE STATE URINAL